The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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