omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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