Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize