I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
