Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the day after is always just damage control
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How many fucks given?
0.12846
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
