He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
