Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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