Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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