you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
