i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
