True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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