Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
