Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
