I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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