My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
