that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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