I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
