Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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