So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
