Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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