His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
