sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
