Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
