I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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