I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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