sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
