I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
