its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
