Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
