I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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