and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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