i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
