Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
