you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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