Where is the hickey?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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