I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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