Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
