Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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