Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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