did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
