True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
