I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who died my cat blue again?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
