He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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