im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
