mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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