Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
