you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
