What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
