I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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