weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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