also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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