you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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