Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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