please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
