With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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