So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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