um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
