i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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