so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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