whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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