That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
