hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize