R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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