plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
