In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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