Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
