I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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