Got a toothbrush?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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