wanna go halves on a baby?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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