Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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