I wish I only lived at night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
